Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
