So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
