and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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