i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize