Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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