You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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