Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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