No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
