how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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