Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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