Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
