I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
