That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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