there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
