its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
