Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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