the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
