12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
