I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
