Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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