she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
