There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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