She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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