I CAN MOONWALK!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
