So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
