Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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