So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize