Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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