We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
