I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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