hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
