Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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