He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
