remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
