do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
