gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
