You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
