Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
