i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize