Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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