i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
