Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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