I think i sorta joined a cult last night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
