Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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