and you said cock pushups were impossible
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize