he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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