Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
