I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
babies were throwing up all over the place
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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