He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize