She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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