ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
