Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
