In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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