Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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