she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
