I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
