I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize