Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
