He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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