He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
