Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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