Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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