I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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