meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
