Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
