I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's like iHOP with fire
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just want to make out with him forever
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
