k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
